As I turn a year older..

Thats the title of my 5th speech..

And I've successfully completed it!

Well I'm suppose to post this up weeks ago..
but due to the lazy me..
it had been postponed till now xD

As usual I was nervous for the speech..
prepared the speech a night before the toastmasters meeting..
start memorising my speech during class the following day..
practise my speech for about an hour after college..
and leaving for the toastmasters meeting..

Thats what I had been doing..
for I'm someone who procrastinate and is always last minute xD
Anyways I managed to complete my 5th assignment and guess what..
my whole speech was recorded @@

I haven't seen the video yet but its gonna be embarrassing to see it =X
Well here is the usual evaluation and my speech =)

=D

The feel is finally here!

I'm finally in the CNY mood!

=D=D=D

My close cousin came to visit today and it was fun sort of catching up with her..

We even skype with another cousin who is in Australia right now and was unable to come back this cny..

Having relatives coming to visit..

I guess you could say the atmosphere is there.

Eating steamboat together..

Having yee sang together..

Watching my mum and my aunts play mahjong..

Collecting angpaos..

*Although its more to my brother collect for me xD*

And spending time with each other..

NOW THATS WHAT CHINESE NEW YEAR IS ABOUT!

Happy Chinese New Year!

I had been really down lately and I wasn't in a good mood today as well due to certain reasons..

But I realise something..

Going to sleep after crying is a good way to forget things =D

I was angry at something this afternoon which causes me to cry..

*yes I cry when I'm angry..I don't scream or argue..I just cry xD*

Well as usual after crying our eyes will feel tired..and eventually you will feel sleepy..

And so I decided to nap.

It was just an hour sleep as I was woken up by my mum to have my reunion dinner..

I was still in a pretty bad mood but not because of what happened earlier but because I was just sleepy xD

You know it isn't a good feeling to be woken up when you are sleeping so peacefully =P

And now I'm all better =D

I've forgotten my anger and my mood had been lifted.

After all it isn't such a good thing to start a new year with a black face xD

But this year to be honest..

It doesn't feel like CNY at all..

In facebook everyone was greeting each other happy cny..

but seriously I didn't have that feel this year.

Maybe cause I was too preoccupied with other things.

To start a new year I should have something not emo

LOL

hmm..the next speech for my toastmaster is about body gestures..

one of my biggest weakness as well as my fears..

I wonder will I be able to face my fear or will I be stuck there forever..

hmm..

any topic suggestions?

if there are feel free to enlighten me =)

I need a topic that could allow me to put in body gestures

and hopefully you will see a post about my speech soon and not an emo one xD

Anyways HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to all!!

May the rabbit year be a great one and may all of you be happy always =D

I'm all messed up..

I guess being busy isn't bad after all..

Yesterday afternoon I met up with the rest of the project team I'm in to prepare for the activity.

It is for a Valentine's day event =) 

too bad I couldn't make it on the day of the event as I have work to go to..

however I do hope it will be a successful event =D

Later at night..

I went to Straits Quay to meet up with the SSDs =D

However..we ended up detouring to gurney as there was nothing to eat at Straits Quay =(

But it was fun..

we had dinner at 7 bistro..

as usual traffic was hell at gurney and finding a carpark is even worse @@

After our dinner, we coincidently met Ling Yen!

At first she said she couldn't make it as she had to go out with her family..

but it was such a coincidence to meet her there =D

and so we went to watch a malaysian movie "Great Day"

For the first time I actually felt Malaysian movie's quality had increased..

it was quite nice..

made me cry a few drops here and there..

and it was also hilarious at some parts =D

Overall its really a nice movie to me.

I reached home around 12 something and seriously walking around the carpark at night when it was almost deserted is really scary @@

Luckily I had Ling Yen with me.

The next day *which is today*

I had work to go to..

it was as usual..

but as I was driving back alone..

I suddenly thought of some things..

and instantly my mood takes a 180 degrees change..

I realised being in a foul mood can seriously cause alot of things..

It enables me to have a really cold expression on my face..

It can make me scream at the top of my lungs..

It can make me cry in a matter of seconds..

and it can make me do things that I weren't when I was sober..

I realised I had the tendency to speed a little when I was in a bad mood..

and I become more daring..

Of course the road back today was as usual really jam..

so I couldn't exactly speed..

but I do realise one thing..

My driving is much better and steadier when I'm in a bad mood =P

I know it sounds weird but its true..

of course I don't recommend someone to be in that car with me at that time =P

but perhaps I would be able to control myself if there were others with me..

My feelings..

My emotions..

Its seriously all messed up..

How I wish to return to the time when everything was simple..

When things weren't this complicated..

After I reached home..

I guess I must really worn myself out..

I dozed off while having the tv on..

and I didn't even notice when my mum calls me..

usually I will..

But I guess..

tiring myself to sleep..

is still better than crying myself to sleep..

To all my friends..

I'm really sorry for all these emo posts nowadays..

I know its unlike me at all..

Well don't worry too much for me..

I'll be fine and I'll be able to get over it =)

The reason why I'm blogging its just to let it out..

not to worry others..

So I'll still be strong and put on smile..

and be the cheerful like I once was =)

My Saturday Morning..

After waking up at 7 for the past 5 days..

It is now the weekend!

I can finally sleep in =D

I thought I would still be sleeping now..

BUT..

I was woken up by my parents =.=

because my childhood friend had come to visit.

So I dragged myself off my bed and clean myself up in the speed of light..

As usual there were an awkward and quiet atmosphere between us..

We were just sitting there listening to our mother's chit chat..

We used to be really great friends..

We practically known each other after we were born..

We were always together..

We went to the same kindergarten..

same primary school..

But after standard 1..

we were in different classes..

she got new friends..

and being the quiet and soft spoken me..

we gradually have less in common..

come to think of it..

we were never similar in anyway.

She is outspoken while I'm not..

She cares about her look while I'm don't..

She's a huge fan of anime which I'm not at that time..

She used to stay 4 houses apart from mine..

but she moved when we were in standard 4..

and since then we just stop talking..

Even during CNY visits..

its the only time we see each other..

but nothing comes out of our mouths..

I guess today was a progress..

we actually started a topic..

talking about college and the things we are pursuing.

And that has been the longest conversation we ever had in years.

I guess today wasn't such a bad day to begin with =)

Should I just remain as a quiet girl who disappears into the background..

I used to speak really little and being very quiet most of the time..

even when speaking one on one..

it is more of a one way communication..

the other party would do most of the talking..

while I will be the one listening, nodding and answering at appropriate times..

But as I grew up..

I got closer to the ones I know..

I start to open up a little more..

and so do the words coming out of my mouth..

Of course with that I'm able to meet new people and make more friends..

however..

is it really a good thing..

People start trusting me with their stories..

and now I doubt myself..

am I really worth being believed in by others..

I thought I knew what I'm suppose to speak of and what I'm not..

and knew when is the right time to do so..

But today..

I was proven wrong..

I did a mistake and that may ruined a friendship..

Maybe being a girl who disappears into the background isn't such a bad thing after all..

I wonder..

I wonder..

am I a happier person now compared to 2 years ago..

am I more cheerful 2 years ago..

am I friendlier 2 years ago..

had I gradually lost my smile now..

My days in CGL especially in 5 Arif was always filled with laughter..

no matter how tired I was..

or how much I dread going for school..

I will still end up going home filled with laughter..

But as I go to college..

I feel that ignoring the presence of others had become a habit of mine..

and I tend to have a cold expression on my face..

Is this becoming a really bad thing..

Then I started thinking..

I didn't laugh and smile as much as I did when I was in 5 Arif..

Every day was passed by with the same routine..

attending class and going straight home after..

although it was almost the same routine as it was when I was in high school..

but somehow its lacking..

its lacking the fun..

the laughter..

the feeling that I'm home..

Friends are really hard to come by..

even after a year in college..

I couldn't really find a friend like the ones I found at 5 Arif..

Will I be able to find that atmosphere..

the laughter..

the fun of hanging out with friends..

 in PTPL..

Would I be able to miss college when I graduate like I did when I leave high school..

or will I be spending the rest of my time there repeating the same routine over and over again..

and just leave when its time to go..